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This seemed interesting! So I think I'll do it, probably one question a week. I feel like I probably have better answers at this point than I might have earlier.

  1. Tell us about your favorite writing project/universe that you've worked with and why.

  2. What gender do you prefer to have as a protagonist? If you have no preference, what gender do you most often have as a protagonist?

  3. How do you come up with names--for characters, and for places if you're writing about fictional places?

  4. Tell us about one of your first stories/characters!

  5. By age, who is your youngest character? Oldest? How about “youngest” and “oldest” in terms of when you created them?

  6. Where are you most comfortable writing? At what time of day? Computer or good ol' pen and paper?

  7. Do you listen to music while you write? What kind? Are there any songs you like to relate/apply to your characters?

  8. What's your favorite genre to write? To read?

  9. How do you get ideas for your characters? Describe the process of creating them.

  10. What are some really weird situations your characters have been in? Everything from serious canon scenes to meme questions counts!

  11. Who is your favorite character to write? Least favorite?

  12. In what story did you feel you did the best job of worldbuilding? Any side-notes on it you'd like to share?

  13. What's your favorite culture to write, fictional or not?

  14. How do you map out locations, if needed? Do you have any to show us?

  15. Midway question! Tell us about a writer you admire, whether professional or not!

  16. Do you write romantic relationships? How do you do with those, and how “far” are you willing to go in your writing? ;)

  17. Favorite protagonist and why!

  18. Favorite antagonist and why!

  19. Favorite minor character that decided to shove themself into the spotlight and why!

  20. What are your favorite character interactions to write? (Arguments? Love scenes? Brawls?)

  21. Do any of your characters have children? How well do you write them/how comfortable do you feel writing them?

  22. Tell us about one scene between your characters that you've never written or told anyone about before! Serious or not.

  23. How long does it usually take you to complete an entire story—from planning to writing to posting/submitting for publication (if you post/submit)?

  24. How willing are you to kill your characters if the plot so demands it? What's the most interesting way you've killed someone?

  25. Do any of your characters have pets? Tell us about them.

  26. Do you draw your characters? Do others draw them? Share a drawing/some drawings of your characters, created by yourself or others! (If no one has drawn them and you can't draw, why not at least make an avatar?)

  27. Do appearances play a big role in your stories? Tell us about them, or if not, how you go about designing your characters?

  28. Have you ever written a character with physical or mental disabilities? Describe them, and if there's nothing major to speak of, tell us a few smaller ones.

  29. How often do you think about writing? Ever come across something out in the world that reminds you of your story/characters?

  30. Final question! Tag someone! And tell us what you like about that person as a writer and/or about one of his/her characters!

 
 
 
 
 
 

(title related) Trying so desperately not to write these characters in a romantic relationship and yet all their feelings about each other are typically reserved for romantic pairings.
No seriously they are not lovers but pretty much the only reason they're not is because I say they're not?
Well, I really think that it's more of a matter of how our media portrays things normally. All these things are "reserved" for lovers so much that it is very hard to see friends feeling this way about each other. Maybe I'm just not articulating things well right now.

But other than the feelings the characters have, I only have the barest shreds of plot and vague characterization (other than the feelings).

The two songs that create large inspiration for this story are:
Love To The Stars - Breeze v. UFO & Lost Witness
Clarity - Zedd ft. Foxes

So that doesn't help with the fact that they're not an actual couple.

It bothers me when I have all these characters' feelings but not enough of a story to do anything about them yet. Maybe the remedy for that is just to start writing something and see how it works out. But I'm just not sure I'm prepared enough for even that yet.

 
 
 
 
 
 
Things I need to research for two upcoming stories:

Hermaphroditic sea creatures
Ballet
Different types of intersexism
Cloud formations
Composition of the moon Europa
Effects of another planet's moon blowing up
Development of transgender children who start HRT around puberty

Mostly I just needed a place to keep the list.
 
 
 
 
 
 

Will I sleep though?
Lately I don't want to sleep. I resist it as much as I can. Not because of dreams or anything. I just want to be awake.
But I have work and stuff so generally I have to go to bed at some point.
I'm in a very interesting mood lately.

 
 
 
 
 
 

Sometimes the weight of the world pushes us down.

I am only one person and there's only so much I can do.
You can't save everyone. You can't fix everything.
Sometimes you have to take a step back and leave things up to the other person (And honestly, even if you can't see that, in the end it happens whether you consent to it or not. You will always be a step back.)

In the end, there is only so much you can do.

Even though it will almost always feel like I could be doing more.

 
 
 
 
 
 
This Halloween
- I dressed up as fun.'s Aim and Ignite cover (complete with peacock)
- Saw Cassy on her birthday
- Ate at Pho Dau Bo and piled up 3 bowls in a very Goku-esque stack
- Saw Rocky Horror which was a lot of fun!
- WHEN I CAME HOME JACK ANTONOFF HAD RE-TWEETED MY COSTUME PICTURE AND POSTED IT ON THE FUN. FACEBOOK PAGE
- like 6000 people liked it?
- Some people complained about holding the gun on the wrong side but like... of all the things to complain about?
- JACK ANTONOFF NOTICED ME!!!
- also I bit my tongue.
 
 
 
 
 
 
So I was thinking about the things I want. I really want this to work out, for one.
But I don't really know. I tend to do things for other people out of the assumption that they would do the same for me, or that if I were in their position, I'd want someone to help me out. But I keep forgetting that this is not always the case with others. Maybe sometimes, they wouldn't do the same for me.
and the thing is that I probably wouldn't be in such a situation in the first place either. I've put a lot of work into strengthening myself and my self control, so maybe sometimes I want to break down, but the chances that I actually will are not too high. I want someone I could rely on if that did happen, but I don't think I have someone like that.
I feel like nobody knows me, and that nobody takes the effort to know me either. Well, I think I use nobody in pretty abstract terms here, but the feeling is the same. People see that I am strong, and logical, I guess. But they don't understand the things in my head or what I feel. Even if I'm outwardly handling things, I don't see it as a success if I don't feel stable. I will, probably, always BE stable, but that doesn't change my thoughts.
For a long time I never thought that I was good enough, and I jumped through hoops to make up for this, I thought that if I just did enough, it would redeem me. I thought the failures of others were my fault. But now I know that I am, in fact, more than good enough. So I find myself wondering why others don't seem to think so. Why they don't think that I'm worth the effort. I might have stuck around before, in the hopes that they'd see something in me. But now, if someone can't step up to the plate, I wonder if it is really worth all of MY effort if I don't have those same courtesies extended to me.
I want love to work out. Because I do believe that this is love. But I don't like to feel alone, and I don't like to feel like a stranger to those who claim to love me. It worries me, and it is hard to keep those worries aside. It is hard to be happy about things when I am left wondering.
Still, I want things to work out.
 
 
 
 
 
 
Don't ever talk to people because talking to people ends up being a bad idea
*rolls away into the sunset and wedges self in deepest crevice at the bottom of the Marianas Trench* (but not the band)

I have a feeling this post is going to be very crazy.
You can thank Scott Lynch because once again he has completely destroyed my mind, and I am not even finished the book yet. Except I don't have the luxury of putting the book down for 3 days this time. THANK you very much kind sir.

I am simultaneously hot and cold and my neck is stiff and my stomach hurts and it is 3am and I have actively been swearing for half an hour and also I just attempted to talk to someone on tumblr and I think I annoyed them, this socializing thing is not for me.

WILL I sleep tonight????? What else will I do other than sleep???? I am too crazy to actually use my brain for anything right now either.

I don't have to work tomorrow on account of it being sunday so I could do one of those things where I just purposely don't sleep which is probably not a good idea but it is looking pretty fantastic right now so I guess that's my plan for the future
 
 
 
 
 
 
My eyes and head hurt from crying so hard. I finally finished Inuyasha today. (If you don't want spoilers don't read the rest of this)(not that anyone reads my LJ)

Kikyo. Kikyoooo. How can I be upset over something I knew for so long was going to happen anyway? But... She was the first person Inuyasha could ever trust. He was so alone up until that point. And then what Naraku did to them... uhg. And in the end, Naraku told her "You will die in the arms of your most hated enemy"... but she didn't, she got to die in the arms of the man she loved, she got to finally be just a regular woman. Though in truth, at one point she would have considered Inuyasha her most hated enemy. Naraku was wrong but he was also right. Kikyo got what she had wanted all along, in the end.
I couldn't take it when Inuyasha started to cry. His voice got all broken and gross and... it is just so unlike Inuyasha. He couldn't protect her, but in the end she still got to be happy. They still got to be together in the end. "Kikyo doesn't want us to mourn her. She says, she'll protect us". My heart is officially broken forever.

Then they went and killed Rin. And I almost actually died. But I knew she couldn't be dead forever because it would have been more drawn out than just that.
KOHAKU. I knew from the start there was no way he could survive and when the shard was stolen... right after he had decided to live and decided he could make up for his sins in some way other than death... you can't know how happy I was he survived. I wasn't expected that at all. I think after Kikyo he is my other favourite character, so at least one of them gets to live.

At the end I honestly thought I would have to show up at Rumiko Takahashi's door and drown her in my tears because it is just NOT FAIR to separate Inuyasha and Kagome. I mean. Kagome maybe she'll go on, not really be happy but still live her normal life but... Inuyasha... there couldn't ever be anyone else for him. Even being with Sango and Miroku and Shippo... it would be like Kikyo all over again. I cried so hard I think my eyes almost burst out of my head. But she got to be with him in the end (and then I cried equally as hard out of joy). They got to be together, side by side. Inuyasha didn't have to be alone anymore - and he didn't have to change, human or demon. He could just be himself. hwrtyhjadsfdsfghfg

This whole thing is very hard on me, even with the happy ending. Inuyasha had such a profound effect on me from the first time I saw it in grade 8. It opened up my world to anime and it has such a magical feeling to it. The opening and ending songs will always fill me with such feelings of nostalgia - and even that word is used so often these days it almost has no meaning. They fill me with memories of feelings that I shared with these characters. The ways I related to them.
My first cosplay was Kikyo, my first Anime North revolved around that show, and the ending themes always make me think of nighttime AN (even though I did not stay until night my first time).
The world and the characters seem familiar to me. Like home, like family. And the thought that I can no longer take part in their lives makes me feel great sorrow. But in the end they all got their happy endings, so I can only hope the same will be true for me.
 
 
 
 
 
 
Today I woke up with Linkin Park in my head, so that's all I'm listening to apparently.

I had a strange dream where I dunno... I had a babysitter who was Pocahontas but she got accidentally killed and I had to bury her in my mom's basement, but then because she had died I had to move back in with my mom? (I'm 22 :/) Then my mom took us "out for dinner" to McDonalds, but they were closing soon so the only thing they had left was a steak sandwich which would be really gross coming from McDonalds so I told my mom I would just eat when I got home, and she got really pissed off (how surprising). That's all I remember, other than a part which took place on a roller coaster.

My book came in the mail yesterday and I'm really starting to worry that all my stories are terrible and now two of them are actually published and being inflicted on the world and it is really worrying. That's why I can't let myself read them when I get my copies of the books, because if I SEE them and they suck, then I'll know just how much of my idiocy is out there for the world to see. There are a lot of other really good stories in those anthologies! How will I ever cope when I eventually get a novel published?

I've done absolutely nothing this week, and it feels weird. I should be working on costumes for any of the 4 or 5 cons I'm going to next year. Only I don't have all the materials I need for that yet... or at least not for the parts of the costume I WANT to make. And my costume for the winter cons... I dunno what I'm gonna do about that. I'm cosplaying a genderbend of Abbey Bominable, but I'm trying to decide if I should buy a whole bunch of kids costumes and sew the costume from that (insanely expensive) or if I should paint my own fabric. Then there's the whole problem of finding tights and stuff. Gaaaah. So many things I can't really make on my own for that costume. (And I just spent like an hour looking for certain things to buy... another problem with this costume). Anyway yes, unproductiveness!

I go away on the 25th to BC to see FUN.! my favourite band ever <3 (no seriously) (I have to look at their faces every day)

This has been a pretty pointless entry, but I wanted to post something cause I haven't posted in so long.